


Sacrifice

by Katuary



Series: Cullen Rutherford & Evelyn Trevelyan [8]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Dragon Age: Inquisition Quest - Here Lies the Abyss, F/M, Hawke & Varric Tethras Friendship, Minor Character Death, Moral Dilemmas, Post-Dragon Age: Inquisition Quest - Here Lies the Abyss, Pre-Dragon Age: Inquisition Quest - Here Lies the Abyss, Sacrifice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-20
Updated: 2019-09-20
Packaged: 2020-10-24 11:21:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20705147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katuary/pseuds/Katuary
Summary: Evelyn reflects on her second escape from the Fade before leaving Adamant."She could try to justify her decision any way she pleased, but she knew what she'd been thinking in the moment. She should never have made the decision out of emotion, but she had."





	Sacrifice

_"This isn't fair to ask, but...give this to Varric if something happens. He'll know what to do."_

It had been a thick, sealed envelope, the wax pressed with a plain seal. If there was one thing Evelyn had learned about Marian Hawke during their short time working together, it was that the warrior was tired of her own legacy. 

_Inquisitor, meet Hawke. The Champion of Kirkwall._

_Though I don't use that title much anymore._

Given the stories that had reached her, even in Ostwick, Evelyn had expected Hawke to be different. A force of nature, imposing and full of righteous fury. Some of that certainly remained; she still looked every part the woman who had defeated the Arishok in single combat. But...she mostly seemed exhausted and resigned. Hawke was just another person tired of having to fight. Evelyn knew the look well, was more familiar with it than she'd like to admit.

_"I...shouldn't you give it to Varric now? Before we leave?"_

_"He'd just say I was being morbid. It's just a precaution. Will you do it?"_

_"...alright. I will."_

Evelyn had stood on the battlements alone long after Hawke left. Her fingers worried the corner of the envelope, shifting several sheets of parchment within. Letters, at a guess. Not an infrequent habit for the Champion, though she never sent them directly from Skyhold. Evelyn had never asked, but she'd bet anything that habit was intended to hide the locations of the letters' recipients. She could hardly blame her. While Leliana would never use information out of spite, she _would_ use it the moment she found it necessary on the Inquisition's behalf. How much leverage could she gain from learning the place Hawke had hidden Anders? There was no doubt one of those letters was for him. Him, Varric, her mage sister, perhaps any remaining friends in Kirkwall.

Her mind had fixated on the token she'd once seen Hawke mindlessly turning in her hand. A small carved animal of some kind, maybe a wolf? Evelyn had gotten just near enough to see an edge worn soft by friction before the older woman had noticed and hidden it inside her cloak again. The brief look she'd had reminded her of the toy soldiers Max used to play with when they were growing up in Ostwick. 

* * *

Leliana would say that one life was a small price to pay to save thousands from an army of demons. Both had resigned themselves to sacrifice. Both were willing to die so the others could escape and save the world. 

But one had taken vows for this life, and one had resigned themselves to it. 

The letters. The toy. Stroud's life was no less valuable for lack of those things. 

She could try to justify her decision any way she pleased, but she knew what she'd been thinking in the moment. 

She should never have made the decision out of emotion, but she had.

_"...Stroud."_

_"It has been an honor, Inquisitor."_

* * *

She was exhausted, but she pushed herself to return to the Inquisition's camp before Hawke. Covered in dust, blood, and Maker-knew-what from the Fade, she rode hard through her army and to her tent. She barely acknowledged the cheers, giving tight smiles and nods as she passed her soldiers. She was too numb to consider this a victory.

She waited outside Hawke's tent, envelope in hand. When the Champion finally returned, it was at a slow walk with Varric. Evelyn hated to interrupt; Hawke only ever seemed at ease when Varric was around. She couldn't blame her for being slow to trust. 

"Inquisitor?" Hawke was surprised to see her there. Evelyn inclined her head stiffly.

"Hawke. If you have a moment?"

"Of course." She turned to Varric, who chuckled and patted her roughly on the back. 

"I'll leave you two alone," he said, "Just don't forget to say goodbye. I'm not above chasing your sorry ass to Weisshaupt, Waffles."

Evelyn managed to wait until the dwarf was gone before she snorted. 

"Sorry," she apologized immediately, shaking her head, "_Waffles?_" That got a chuckle and an eye roll out of Hawke.

"Mhm. I suppose you got a better one?"

"...'Lucky'. I think he was being sarcastic."

"What, Varric? Sarcastic? _Never._"

The ribbing rapidly snapped into an awkward silence. Evelyn broke it by holding out the envelope. 

"I..." She cleared her throat, "I thought you might want these back?"

Hawke's face twisted for a moment, then went completely unreadable. Evelyn thought she saw a hint of guilt, but she had no idea why. 

"No," Hawke shook her head, "The way things...I won't need them. Burn them. Get rid of them. I'm..." She ran a finger down the hilt of her sheathed greatsword, trailing off. "I should do it myself. Thank you, Inquisitor. For...keeping them safe."

Evelyn wanted to ask if she'd been right about the contents of those letters. More so, she wanted to ask if she'd been right in the Fade. But that would be selfish. Instead, she gave Hawke the package wordlessly and resigned to talk to Cullen later. He was always honest with her. Patient. Blunter than Josephine and more straightforward than Leliana too, so she was more likely to grasp a strategy or a line of reason the first time. 

"It was no trouble." _I'm just happy they turned out to be useless._ "Safe travels, Hawke."

"You as well, Inquisitor."

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you, having Alistair as king in my canon Origins playthrough. Makes this decision a cakewalk since I spent seven years of Hawke's life with her and like...two conversations with Stroud. Sorry, buddy. It's gotta be better than the Calling?
> 
> Side note, I really wish there was an option to get an "official" nickname from Varric in Inquisition.


End file.
